In 13 Ways to Ruin Your Life: A Practical Guide for Guys, author and speaker Jarrod Jones outlines a biblical exposition of Proverbs 7.  Jarrod brings practical stories from his own life and experiences to bring the truths of Solomon’s proverb of the fool falling into sexual sin to life.  He is very straight forward and Christ-centered in his approach to the topic of sexual purity.  This book also provides discussion questions to follow up this study with an accountability partner.  Jarrod does an excellent job in presenting the trap of sexual sin and some practical ways to steer clear of failing in this area.  This book is also grace centered and provides encouragement and grace for people who have fallen into sexual sin but also refuses to back down from the seriousness of sexual sin.  Jarrod presents a radical call to sexual purity in a way that presents Biblical truth in a very practical way to call guys of all ages back to a Christ-centered view of sexuality.  If you or your small group is interested in ordering this book, it can be ordered online at Jarrod’s website. 

Concluding Questions for Reflection

• Is our relationship built on and out of our personal pursuits of Jesus Christ?
• Is their any eternal fruit coming from this relationship? 
• What is our ultimate pursuit in life – Jesus Christ or someone or something else we are worshiping as our god?
• Are we building up or tearing down the other person?
• Are we deriving our value from our relationship with Jesus Christ not the other person or the relationship?
• What does the picture of my body being a temple of the Holy Spirit do for boundaries in dating?
• What “prostitutes” are we uniting ourselves to that we need to repent of?
• Am I building my brother or sister up in Jesus Christ through my relationship?
• Is holiness or “how far is to far” the focus of my relationship physically?
• What desires lurk in the depths of my life that have the possibility of launching me into a cycle of sin?
• What do I need to repent of to God for my views and actions in my relationships?
• What do I need to repent of to the other person in the relationship for not being?
• How can we establish a relationship following out of our relationships with Jesus Christ?

Principle 5: Recognize that Sin Is a Cycle with Long-Term Consequences

Sin is a process springing from a desire for something that you should not be seeking.  Whether this is coveting, lust, or sexual immorality, it is all part of a process that leads to radical consequences.  This process is described well in James 1: 14-15, which says: “But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire.  Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.” 

This process is the cycle that we run so quickly through every time we sin.  We must come to grips with the fact that sin produces death.  Death in our relationship due to sin either within the relationship itself or sin against the other person can lead to death of trust, death of commitment, and death of openness.  The consequences of our sin are always death that in due time must be dealt with in due time.  Actions and decisions even within the context of desires in dating relationships have consequences that will cause death and pain that will have to be faced in future marriage relationships.

Principle 4: Recognize that Sexual Intimacy Is Reserved Exclusively for a Marriage Relationship

The Bible makes this clear in the following passages: Genesis 2: 24, Exodus 20: 14, Leviticus 20: 10, Mark 10: 6-12, and 1 Corinthians 6: 12 – 7: 9.  Sexual intimacy with someone who is not your spouse within the context of a marriage covenant is adultery, which is a violation of the seventh commandment and was punishable under the Levitical Law by death.  This is clearly a sin that had serious physical consequences in the Old Testament times and has serious relational and spiritual consequences today.

Principle 3: Recognize that You Are Both Brothers and Sisters in Jesus Christ

If you are both Christ-followers, you have the connection of being friends and partners in the context of the relationship, but you also have a spiritual connection as brother and sister in Christ.  1 Thessalonians 4: 3-6 discusses avoiding sexual immorality and then makes this statement: “that in this matter (referring to sexual immorality and lust) no one should wrong his brother and take advantage of him” (NIV).  

This is a picture of one Christian taking advantage of another brother or sister in Christ in the realms of relationships, which would include dating.  This taking advantage of could be anything from leading the person on with the intent of breaking the relationship off to encouraging and pushing the other person further physically than they would naturally desire to go.

This idea of a spiritual connection does not just stop with the call not to take advantage of the other person, but it goes on to the opportunity to build each other up in the faith like Paul encouraged the churches to which he ministered (1 Thessalonians 5: 11 & Jude 1:20).   You have the same spiritual Father which should provide you with a common ground for spiritual conversation as you spur each other on toward Jesus Christ, your eternal prize. 

Principle 2: Recognize that You Are Both Created in God’s Image and Are Indwelt by the Holy Spirit

The fact that both of the people in the relationship are created in the image of God (Genesis 1: 27) gives you both inherent worth and value to and in the Creator.  You are both prized masterpieces of the God who breathed into your lungs the breath of life.  This gives you a perspective that should alter some perceptions:

• See Yourself As God Sees You: You have value derived not from the other person or your relationship.  Your value is firmly rooted in a Creator God who loves you.  To seek your primary value and worth in the other person or the relationship is to practice spiritual adultery on the God who created you.
• See The Other Person As God Sees Them: They also derive their value from God so when you interact and relate with them realize that you are interacting with a child of God.  Are you affirming or defaming the masterpiece that God has made known as the person you are in a relationship with?

The fact that if both of you are believers you are indwelt with the Holy Spirit is seen most clearly in 1 Corinthians 6: 12-20.  The most powerful picture of this indwelling is seen in verses 15 and 16, which states: “Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ?  Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never!  Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one with her? For as it is written, ‘The two will become one flesh.’”  This is a picture of taking the Holy Spirit into whatever you do in all relationships including dating.  The picture of the Holy Spirit being joined to a prostitute is seen in the sexual immorality that is presented in this passage (see Principle 4 for an extended discussion of the sin of sexual immorality). 

The passage then goes on to state the role of the body as a temple, the primary place for the Holy Spirit to dwell in our lives.  Verses 19 and 20 note: “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God?  You are not your own for your were bought with a price.  So glorify God in your body.”  Our bodies are not our own.  They are the Holy Spirit’s possession through the death of Jesus Christ on the cross.  We are called to act and live in ways that bring great glory to God through our body.  This is why the picture above of uniting our bodies to a prostitute is so appalling to Paul. 

Principle 1: Recognize the Temporal Nature of Marriage

When Jesus was posed a question by the Sadducees regarding divorce and remarriage in light of eternity, He responded by saying: “For in the resurrection they neither marry or are given in marriage” (Matthew 22:30 and Luke 30:34).    According to Jesus, marriage for better or for worse ends at death.  The temporal nature of the covenant of marriage leads us to make several observations:

• We Must Reform the Place of Marriage in Our Lives and Thinking:  Marriage is no longer the ultimate aim and pursuit of our lives.  Our pursuit should be first and foremost after Jesus Christ to which we will be married in intimate relationship to throughout all of eternity.  This means that, for the single person, marriage is not the highest aim and should not be the sole pursuit of our lives.  This means, for the married person, that our marriage relationship should flow from our relationship with our eternal Groom.
• Dating Should Not Distract From or Take the Place Of Our Relationship with Jesus Christ: If the temporal relationship is taking precedent over the eternal relationship, there is a balance problem, which must be addressed.  To let the other person we are in a relationship with take the place of Jesus Christ is to make them an idol, which makes this problem a worship problem.  This misplaced worship is sin that needs to be repented of and address both personally and in the context of the relationship.  Our fulfillment and satisfaction cannot be found in anyone besides Jesus Christ.   To try to place that on another person is also misdirected worship that must be addressed.
• We Must Make God’s Primary Pursuit for Us Our Primary Pursuit: Our lives should be spent in pursuit of Jesus Christ not a spouse.  If Christ is our primary pursuit, He will redefine our standards for dating and our definition of our relationships within a dating relationship.

I have had two very close friends come to me recently with some questions with regard to dating relationships.  These questions have focused around specifics such as boundaries in relationships to knowing whether or not the relationship that they are currently pursuing is God’s will and desire for their lives.  Both of these discussions led to a realization that the Bible is not a rule book of black and white rules for dating or a guidebook for how to date well while you wait.  Instead in scripture we see principles that are presented that help to guide our decisions in dating relationships.  So over the next week, I am going to post some of my thoughts and gatherings from my Biblical study on this topic.  This will consist of five principles for dating and some concluding questions for personal discussion and discussion for the couple pursuing a dating relationship. I pray that these are of help to you as you seek God together through the context of a dating relationship.  Please feel free to shoot me an email or comment your thoughts on these principles and how they may look practically in the context of a relationship.

I was sitting in class yesterday, and the professor went off on a very interesting tangent that I think we as Christians must address.  My professor was sharing about the time that he was asked to speak for a Christian athletes event at a well-known Baptist college in town.  He came in and gave his presentation and then was invited by some students to stay after the meeting as they brought out a keg of beer.  This is a story that I have heard this professor share multiple times, but this time he added some additional commentary that was profound.  He said that he was shocked that Christian athletes were drinking.  He then went on to raise the point that since these are Christian athletes at a Christian school there should be something different about them than the athletes at a state school like the college I attend.  

This professor who, to my knowledge, has never claimed any religious identity at all knows that there should be something different about Christians.  There should be a defining mark in the lives of Christians with regard to what we participate in and do not participate in that should set us apart from the rest of the world.  This professor was watching for this mark of distinction and found none.  I think this is the reason this story keeps coming up.  People are watching so the question is are we representing Christ well in our actions, decisions, and lifestyles.